Overview

My experiences after quitting masturbation for 2 years and 3 months

Foreword

Everyday, I return to the rebooting forums (Chinese forums) in order to answer questions. Many brothers are familiar with me by now. Understandably, many people have expressed interest towards my rebooting experiences. Today, I will share with everyone of my experiences in detail. Hopefully, this will help you all.

I started off on this journey like many people, which was partly due to the deterioration of my health as a result of masturbation but also due to the guilt that I felt: how could I engage in such a filthy act?

How it started

It first started out from when I first felt pleasure caused by friction movement and it was followed by what is best described as “Once you pop you can’t stop”. I became addicted and was unable to pull myself out. The addiction has taken hold of me. The analogy of “Once you pop you can’t stop” is something that I see fairly often in the rebooting forums and is comparable to the bursting of a dam. Therefore, the saying that no harm is caused from moderation is very much BS due to the fact that once you start it’s no longer possible to quit, just like the opening of the Pandora’s box.

Physical symptoms

My history of masturbation goes back for 15 years. At the time, I loved sports. Aside from prostatitis, I hadn’t really experienced any discomfort in other areas of my body. Although, the need to pee frequently caused me great agony for a long time. In addition, there was a great change to my appearance in that I had severe acne. My complexion also gave me a decadent look. My eyes were dull, eye bags started to appear below my eyes despite my youth. At the time, I also suffered from rhinitis.

Given the fragile state of my body and add on top the endless exhaustion of my essence (kidney essence), my body was never fully healthy. I’ve always felt greatly weakened after I have masturbated and felt the need to quit. After a couple weeks of abstinence and regular exercise, my body would have recovered somewhat. Following the recovery of my essence, the degeneration started off anew with greater intensity. I would often have consecutive sessions and my health took a turn for the worse.

Masturbation ruins a person in two ways: bodily and psychologically. After I’ve started to masturbate, my emotional state changed greatly. I was easily agitated, I lacked patience, memory, concentration, and willpower all took a hit for the worse. The scary part at the time is that I was totally unaware of the harm that masturbation was causing. I had read about the harmlessness theory of masturbation on the magazines. This combined with the lack of willpower to quit masturbation only served to exacerbate my confusion.

I had struggled a lot in the evil spiral of addiction but was unable to get out. The addiction carried with it a seemingly magical power that held me firm. At the time, my record of rebooting was 28 days. Rebooting was a topic that didn’t exist at the time in the media. Instead, the media was filled with degenerative material. Young people at the time lacked the proper guidance with regards to rebooting.

Because masturbation had contributed to a decline in my mental faculties, my grades suffered as a result. After high school, I was only able to get into a regular college. My decline did not halt when I entered college. But because I was sharing accommodation with other people, at the time, my masturbation became less frequent. In college, I frequently played basketball. There was a period of time when my body was recovering very well. I no longer needed to pee frequently. My complexion improved and so did my temperament. I was once again self-confident.

After college, I started working and met a girl. In my proximity, nobody told me that masturbation was harmful, nobody told me about the bad karma from sex before marriage. Everything people talked about was of a filthy nature which was reflected in the overall degenerative state of the society. The voice of rebooting could not be heard anywhere. If you would talk to the young people today about rebooting, he would question your sanity and tell you the most important thing at hand is to enjoy life. This is a basic weakness of people, the fact that people would not quit a bad habit until they have hit rock bottom.

At the time, I was also likeminded to my peers, I didn’t think anything was wrong about premarital sex. Now looking back, I had been very ignorant and shallow which was the very reason that I was unable to escape from my evil habit, up until my healthy took a nosedive for the worse.

Illness precedes understanding

After I started working, my life lacked rhythm both in terms of diet and in terms of rest, I would often stay up during the nights. The pressure from work was immense and the masturbation did not cease, this is when my state of health completely collapsed. I was diagnosed with neurasthenia and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). For those who haven’t suffered from these illnesses, it is impossible to comprehend what it’s like to live under these conditions. It is a feeling of total collapse where death is preferable to life. Nobody is able to understand you except for you and those suffering from the same illness, not even the doctor knows what you’re going through.

Ever since I was diagnosed with the above, I came to understand why some people prefer to choose the route of suicide. This is because suicide is a means of escape. At the time, I also had thoughts of suicide. Luckily, I didn’t put those thoughts into action.

I would like to make something clear here, and that is the difference between the emotional state of anxiety the symptoms from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Any normal person may feel anxiety but GAD is like a having combination of a myriad of strangely bodily symptoms coming at you incessantly. This is hell on earth where death is preferable to life.

After having been diagnosed with GAD, I quit my job. I would spend my days chatting with people suffering from the same conditions. Around the same time is when I started to study TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) on my own. I listened to a variety of gurus and read huge volumes of books, I also came into contact with Buddhism.

Through the countless conversations, I’ve had with my fellow patients, I’ve come to reach an understanding: this illness (GAD) share an intricate connection with masturbation and the habit of frequently staying up at night. I started to gather case material/testimonies from fellow sufferers numbering in the thousands. Afterwards, I started to gather material from sufferers with a history of masturbation, also numbering in the thousands. I’ve studied the material for several years and was able to find answers in TCM (traditional Chinese medicine).

Answers could also be found in Western medicine. The harmlessness theory on masturbation is no longer up to date. The newest research in Western medicine is consistent with TCM. For example, when Beckham broke his bones, his physician recommended him to not engage in any sexual activities for a period of 3 months. According to TCM: “Kidneys govern the bones, from bones, arises marrow”. Modern science has also observed that the life expectancy of an animal is connected with the times that the animal engages in procreational activities. This is consistent with the TCM view that a low essence precedes illness and the relationship between essence and longevity.

When our bodies are healthy, we are not hit by regrets. That’s why when we talk to a healthy person the message will not register with the person. But once the health has failed, the view of that person would naturally change and agree with your views regarding rebooting. Many brothers (Chinese brothers) suffer from hair loss. When hair is plentiful one will not think about rebooting. But once hair is lost, it’s already late because the person will need several years to recover. I have also suffered from hair loss. The condition ceased and my hair density gradually improved once I’ve started rebooting.

It was suffering that started my journey towards rebooting. I’m now a believer of Buddhism and I study/research Buddhism on my own. I now realize that having a faith gives one tremendous spiritual strength. In my former self, I would brush spirituality it off as superstition because it’s not science. However, I no longer think that way. To my knowledge, Isaac Newton and Einstein both had religious beliefs. Einstein was very fond of Buddhism. Many scientists have a religious faith.

At the moment, I’m not only a believer of Buddhism, but also a believer of TCM, Qigong and healthy living in general. Qigong is a learning in itself and helps greatly in the recovering process. Especially, when it comes to practices such as holding the horse stance and meditation and thus helping to recover the essence of the body. I would also recommend Taichi boxing.

Recovery status

Many people are interested in knowing the degree to which I have recovered. Therefore, I will try to be more detailed in my response. The most popular question that I receive on the internet forums is the question of whether it’s possible to recover and how long it will take.

My answer is this: recovery is certainly possible. As to the time it takes, it will vary from person to person because we all have different physiology. Normally, the person who practices healthy living and who loves physical exercise will enjoy a speedier recovery.

Masturbation causes injury to both the both and the mind. According to TCM, if the mind is not healthy the body will not be healthy and vice versa. Therefore, if you masturbation, your mind is sure to suffer. As your mind will not find a relieve, this will in turn cause injury to the body. This then leads to a vicious circle.

Learning rebooting is an experience and metamorphosis. It is a promotion of one’s overall state. In mastering rebooting, one will be in control of their own fate and not bound by the shackles of desire and thus unable to free oneself until the total deterioration of one’s health. I have encountered countless brothers that are suffering from neurasthenia, incredibly many, I myself was an example. Many brothers are also suffering from the obsessive-compulsion disorder as well as generalized anxiety disorder. Actually, these problems are all quite similar, where the difference only lies in their orientation. What’s in common is the amount of agony causing physical symptoms. Let’s now talk about my recovery process.

Physical recovery

After having gone through rebooting for 1 year, my GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) symptoms disappeared. During this year, I have exercised regularly and paid attention to my body while at the same time stayed away from any forms of medication. During a previous half year period, I was dependent on a form of medication and it was a painful experience. Once a medicine loses its potency, the doctor would give you another one to replace it. Normally, a patient suffering from generalized anxiety disorder is skeptical of the doctor because many people have had the experience of being falsely diagnosed. The doctor treating the sufferer as a client instead of a patient with the first priority of making money instead of prioritizing the well being of the patient.

After rebooting, my experience with frequent urination and waist/lower back pain also disappeared along with a large variety of physical symptoms. From my studies in TCM, I’ve come to realize that a low kidney essence is the cause of many a disease. When your kidney essence is strong, illnesses will naturally be repelled. Previously, when I suffered from hair loss, I would lose a handful of hair every day. According to TCM: the level of essence present in the five viscera and six bowels is reflected through the eyes. One can therefore gauge a person’s overall health by just looking into his eyes. The essence is stored in the kidneys and the five visceras and six bowels transform that essence into qi (energy). If the kidneys are weakened, the five viscera will naturally become weakened. The effect of which will be visible in the lifelessness of the person’s eyes.

Another thing is that the strength of my grip also become firmer. The strength of the grip is often a reflection of the state of the liver. TCM: the strength of the liver is in the grip, the stronger the grip the stronger the liver qi. The liver and the kidneys share the same source, meaning when the kidney water element is insufficient, the wood element of the liver will become dry. And the symptom is that the person will become easily irritated and angered. Another symptom is revealed by the weakness of the person’s grip.

Previously, I suffered from poor sleep in the form of insomnia and excessive dreams. After having quitted masturbation for over 2 years, my sleep quality had vast improved. The usual symptoms of the GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) such as muscle twitching and bodily convulsions have disappeared completely. My tinnitus also healed itself. TCM: kidneys revitalizes the ears. Many brothers suffer from tinnitus. After half a year of rebooting, tinnitus naturally disappeared.

Today, I feel as if I’m a whole new person reborn into this world. Previously, I was bounded up by my masturbation habits. It’s only now that I’ve come to experience the real feeling of freedom which is not to be confused with the freedom in indulgence. For the freedom to indulgence will only lead to one result and that is suffering.

Psychological recovery

Because I engaged in masturbation, I felt inferior and become more autistic and even had tendencies to self-inflict injuries. Because I was unable to quit masturbation, I hated myself for being useless and had the urge to self-slander. Because of masturbation, my physical appearance became uglier. Many brothers relate to the same opinion that their physical appearance became uglier after they started to masturbation.

This kind of feeling is not false. If your vital essence is lost, how can one not turn ugly? This is comparable with a deflated ball. Once it’s deflected, it is no longer able to bounce and is rendered useless. The same concept is applicable to us as people. Once the vital essence of the body is depleted, the physical appearance will immediately take a hit and as a result, we will feel inferior and decadent.

This types of changes to the appearance have been thoroughly studied in the discipline of face consultation in TCM. The face is like a mirror for the five vital organs of the body. When the organs become weakened, this will naturally be reflected on the face. One that understands this discipline of TCM, this will immediately be able to tell a person’s state of health by looking into his eyes.

Ever since I’ve quit masturbation, I began to practice body strengthening Qigong. I learned to take care of my body and exercised frequently and in the process build up my vital essences. Today, my complexion has completely been restored to a healthy state. Previously, one could describe my appearance with one word: dim. Today, I’m once again lit up as a person. The earlier tendencies I had towards feeling inferior, self-inflicting injuries and autism have naturally disappeared. I feel like a new person and completely fearless.

Oftentimes, a person that is deficient in kidney essence is fearful and is easily angered. This is because kidneys govern anger and anger injure the kidneys. In my case studies, I’ve noticed that many brothers have become more fearful of life. This is a common phenomenon with those people who frequently masturbation.

When I now come face to face with a mirror, all I see is a confident, joyful and healthy person. The old me which was decadent, wretched and ugly has all but disappeared. The type of ugliness that I’m describing is an ugliness reflected in the flesh and the soul. This is the fruit of the evil deed brought about by masturbation.

Experience with success

I’ve now stayed clean for over 2 years, this is owing thanks to the increased understanding. Previously, I’ve failed countless times in trying to stay clean. At the time, nobody was guiding me. Nobody was guiding me because I was unable to receive the guidance. I was ignorant in the knowledge of quitting masturbation, of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and of Buddhist teachings. All I knew was the brute force way. I thought that I could rely solely on willpower to stay clean.

In reality, success is very hard to come by through relying on willpower alone. Instead, one must start by purifying the heart/mind. This will then tackle the root of the issue because the mind controls the hands as well as the action of masturbation. If there is a lot of filthy thoughts floating around in your subconscious mind, you will naturally gravitate towards masturbation. Therefore, we must work on purifying our thoughts. Through the repeated study of rebooting material, the repeated study will strengthen our virtue and over time the habit of masturbation will cease to exist.

The first step of quitting masturbation: to change one’s thoughts. This is like quitting a drug addiction. Upon entering a drug rehab center, the first step is to introduce the patient with correct knowledge in understanding the harmful effect of drugs and cleansing the mind with all erroneous thoughts and beliefs. Many brothers have repeatedly failed to stay clean due to the failure to recondition their minds. Relying on willpower alone to stay clean will only work in the short run which is quickly followed by failure. We must therefore always stay vigilant in our study of rebooting material.

Although I’ve stayed clean for over 2 years, I still study rebooting material daily as well as TCM. This knowledge will act as a firewall and barrier towards masturbation. With the firewall in place, we don’t have to be as fearful. Previously, I had relied purely on my willpower to quit masturbation, my head was filled with dirty images. Nowadays, through changing my thoughts, I would not harbor a dirty thought throughout the entire day. Without the thought, there can be no masturbation.

Therefore, I wish to point out a path for everyone so as to minimize the number of detours. I have studied many successful brothers. Without except, all of these people were adept at cleansing their thoughts. When you are conversing with these people, they will have lots of knowledge to share with you. While they are sharing this knowledge with you, they are simultaneous reinforcing their own understanding which helps them in the process of staying clean. Final word: in order to become successful in quitting masturbation one must completely rewire the thoughts, otherwise failure is to follow.

I have studied the process of masturbation addiction as well as in other areas such as addiction towards drugs, quitting drugs, smoking, gaming, shopping. The process of addiction is similar to that of being allergic in that there can be many stimulants. This is why it’s so important to surround oneself with a clean environment.

Addiction can be grouped into two categories, physical addiction, and psychological addiction. The human addiction mechanism is closely related to dopamine. Dopamine being a neurotransmitter is responsible for communicating information between the cells. It is one of the fountainheads for the pleasure center of the brain. Because dopamine is mainly responsible for transmitting pleasure related signals, the secretion of dopamine is often out of balance for masturbation sufferers. Rebooting must correct this imbalance by getting rid of the addiction towards sex.

Many people have a hard time to stay clean because the psychological addiction is too deep where the subconscious is filled with filthy material. The only way to rid these filthy material is by a complete rewiring of our thoughts and deny that material which causes the addiction. If our first reaction by looking at a beautiful woman is arousal then we are finished. If our first reaction is indifference then that would be correct, in time our determination will strengthen. Beautiful women is like electricity, we must transform ourselves into insulators. Beautiful women is like a magnet, we must turn ourselves into a wood. Remember, you are in control of your desires and not the other way around, you will not become the slave to your desires.

The formula

In my years of research, I’ve arrived at the following formula: staying up at night + long time spent sitting down + masturbation = health is finished.

If one only masturbation without the other elements, one could end up with a waist pain and frequent urination at most. However, if we stay late throughout the night and throw long period of sitting into the equation we will be sure to catch neurasthenia related diseases. Another thing, if you love to exercise the physical symptoms will not be that serious and the time of recovery will be fairly quick. Staying up at night combined with debauchery is the two most essence hurting ways according to TCM. Long sitting damages the kidneys, the three mentioned factors combined will wreck havoc to a person’s health.

I hope that everybody will commit the above formula into memories as it has been exchanged for with the painful experiences from both myself and my fellow brothers. Not to mention the medical expenses in the tens of thousands that was spent in the process.

Ways to recover

From the above reading, everybody has probably gotten an idea of the ways to recover: regular exercise, healthy lifestyle. We need to choose a physical routine that fits our interests. In my research into neurasthenia, many brothers have found meditation and horse-stance (a Kungfu stance) to be helpful in their recovery. I have had personal experiences with this, the difficult part is to find the proper technique and persistence in training.

Furthermore, replenishment via diet is also very important. The recommendations by doctor Peng Xin is good. One of the most important topics is how to replenish the health via diet. For the people that are aware of their weakened state of health, it is natural to inquire into the hows when it comes to dietary replenishments. I can make it very clear to everyone that the best replenishment is not to waste the essences. The best medicine is abstinence from masturbation. The scale of effectiveness for replenishment follows medicine < diet < exercise. We should therefore exercise regularly but take care not to overstrain ourselves.

There is a general misunderstanding among brothers and that is to depend on the doctor. They think that by seeing a doctor everything will be fine. In reality, this is a false notion. 30% treatment, 70% maintenance. If you are unaware of how to maintain a healthy lifestyle, the effectiveness of medical treatment will be severely limited. Suppose that you are taking medicine for replenishing the kidneys but at the same time you still masturbation, this will only have the opposite of the intended effect. Medicine will help you to recover the kidney vitality, but if you start to fool around as you recover your kidney vitality will never become full. We must therefore stop the “leakage” so to speak.

For those brothers suffering from neurasthenia, if your symptoms are serious I would still recommend you to seek the doctor. However, take care to not become dependent on the medication because that is an evil spiral in itself. Instead, focus on quitting masturbation and taking care of your body.

Regarding nocturnal emissions

Nocturnal emission does not count as masturbation. Frequent nocturnal emission deserves attention however as it’s a sign that our “essence gate” is not secure. If that happens, I would recommend seeking a Chinese traditional physician. I would recommend a stretching exercise found in the Eight Brocades yoga movements called “hands reaching feets strengthen kidney/waist”, you can Google it. The exercise is very simple and effective. Everyday, I would perform it several hundred times which helps to greatly reduce the number of nocturnal emissions. This exercise is mentioned in many Taoist health maintaining manuals and is known under many different names. However, the principle remains the same. By stretching the bladder meridian line found at the back of the thigh, also the bladder line and the kidney affect one another.

Methods in reducing nocturnal emissions:

1. Do not have too thick blankets
   
2. Avoid diet that is too fatty or too meaty
   
3. Do not stay up at night
   
4. Do not overstrain yourself during the day
   
5. Before bed, don’t drink too much water
6. Don’t take alcohol
   
7. Don’t meditate immediately prior to bed

Regarding wet dreams

Many brothers are bothered by wet dreams, this is due to filthy material in the subconscious. Sigmund Freud once said, dreams are the window to the subconscious. If your subconscious is not clean, this will then show up in the dreams and we will be unable to control ourselves. Therefore, the thorough cleansing of the subconscious is the key. We achieve this by the repeated reading of the rebooting material. This needs to be repeated incessantly until we flood our brain with it. The degree of purification will not be enough if we do not reach the mentioned level of saturation which will create opportunities for relapses.

Regarding erectile difficulties

Due to the deterioration of one’s sexual performance, many brothers have joined rebooting in hopes to recover quickly. First of all, we must interpret and understand the signals that our bodies are sending to us. Only be doing so will we make the correct choices. Erectile difficulties is a self-protection mechanism of the body. This is the body telling us to stop what we are doing and begin the process of recuperation. The mechanism is similar to when we are exposed to cold and our skin pores close. Erectile difficulties are the body telling us to stop the sexual debauchery.

Many brothers do not understand this concept. Instead, they go look for filthier material hoping for their bodies to respond. This will only make matters worse. According to my research, people suffering from impotence and premature ejaculation share a common experience; forceful masturbation or masturbation multiple times in close succession.

It has been mentioned in the records of TCM and I will mention it in my own words. The most important reason for the decline of kidney essence: do not indulge too much. The more the indulgence the heavier the price. Masturbation is like shopping, we spend our health in exchange for fleeting moments of pleasure. Many people due to their greed of indulgence have become impotent, due to their ignorance in medicine. I hope these words is able to strike a note with the reader.

The final destination of rebooting

The purpose of rebooting is not to make you into a monk but to make you in control of your own desires and increase the cultivation of ethics for the individual. The (Chinese) rebooting community promotes the view of no sex before marriage, sex in moderation after marriage. This is the correct path. This point of view is in line with the thoughts of TCM.

The 10 stages of rebooting

Stage 1: This is when we realize that masturbation is affecting our healthy negatively and we have a thought about quitting. However, after reading about the harmlessness theories of masturbation, we are not so determined anymore. We think that masturbation in moderation should do us no harm. This is the very initial stage of rebooting which is characterized by ignorance and naivety. The result: failure!

Stage 2: We gain a small understanding of the harmful effects of masturbation, but not a thorough understanding. The result: failure!

Stage 3: We begin to study other peoples’ experience of rebooting and we try to break our rebooting record. Although we have managed to set a new record on the number of rebooting days we are still unable to break out of the vicious cycle. The result: failure!

Stage 4: This is the confusion stage, after numerous failures, we start to doubt ourselves. At this stage, we are not putting in enough of a fight, no fight no victory! The result: failure.

Stage 5: Our body gives out signals once again and it’s clear that our health has deteriorated. Once again, we make up our minds to quit and rely helplessly on the brute force method without learning about the correct methods. The result: failure.

Stage 6: We begin to see the harmlessness theory for what it is, that it only works to trick the “children”. This is when we experience a breakthrough in our way of thinking but we still fail to understand why we are unable to quit masturbation. The result: failure.

Stage 7: This is the stage of understanding, gained from reading vast amounts of rebooting articles. We begin to acknowledge spiritual teachings (such as Buddhism) which helps to increase our determination tremendously. We break the 100-day streak. The result: still failure.

Stage 8: The thorough cleansing stage, we are starting to cleanse ourselves both consciously and unconsciously. Once this idea has entered our subconscious, we easily break the 200-day barrier. There may come one day when we are browsing the internet and have our guard down or we have been slack in our rebooting studies, we therefore stumble near the finishing line. The result: still failure.

Stage 9: We are almost there now and have become even more careful. Our understanding takes on another level. We are no longer affected by dirty thoughts. What we see do not enter our intentions. What other people sees and like we react with caution. We are steady in our heart even amidst rough winds of thoughts. We have discarded the habit of masturbation altogether.

Stage 10: “Nothing to begin with, how can nothing stir the dust”. We have come to the highest stage where all things returns to simplicity, just as the “sweeping monk” from Jin Yong’s martial art novels. Great skill is hidden in plain site, this is only achieved by the Master.

Tips:

Everyone should be able to find their current stage in rebooting. Just like in video games, we have our levels. Once we have reached that level, success will come. If our level of understanding is not there, we will have a hard time to quit masturbation. For a master there is no difficulty, while mastery is difficult to achieve for a layman.

Hopefully, everyone will continue to study rebooting articles. The day when we find our “aha” moment is the day when we can walk away from masturbation for good. For the few bright people with keen minds, they are able to skip over stages just as a bright student is able to skip grades and the poor student will need to remain in the same grade.